I've been wondering for a while what my next big life project would be. What challenge will I take on this time? I have felt like I was just marking time, waiting for some big exciting thing that I can work on to happen or show itself to me.
Reviewing the past year, I think it already showed up. It's just more subtle than the usual challenges I've faced, which (even when chosen) have started off more abrupt and drastic. This one slides in and out of my day with mild problems that seem temporary but recur.
It's affecting every aspect of my life: spiritual, relationships, physical, emotional, you name it. It's changing how I relate to food and entertainment, how I dress, my meditation practice. I'm putting a lot of energy into cognitive therapy responses to the symptoms, changing my emotional responses to the minor but annoying and frequent symptoms.
It's aging. Aging including perimenopause. I don't get to choose this one, like so much of life it just comes along will-ye or nil-ye. And while I sometimes feel tortured, it's a blessing that I have lived long enough to endure this, and have nothing worse in my life to obscure or minimize it.
Wish me luck!