How I got out of writing an essay on HG Wells' The Time Machine.
Lojack your kid!
What goes with toad in the hole? Porn.
"Yeeessss," says Ian, a little unconvinced. "I'd like to do cabbage with something, though. Make it more interesting, give it an extra dimension. Cabbage and [ ]," he says, using his hands to explain. "Rob always cooks it with extra [ ]: it's really nice. Raisins or something."
"Hmmm," I say, unwilling to see in the first toad of the season with wizened fruit.
"I should ask the Internet," says Ian, summoning Google. "Ask it what goes with cabbage."